Unrequited Love Story

Unrequited love is painful.

I was in love with my boss when I worked at McDonalds as an Aussie 16 year old. He didn’t love me back.

And then I was in love with my boss when I was a headhunter in Toronto when I was 25 years old. He didn’t love me back.

And I was in love with my boss when I worked for my Meditation School in Los Angeles when I was 33. He didn’t love me back.

Unrequited love is painful.

We’ve ALL been in love with someone that has not loved us back. But being serially addicted to people that don’t love you back, is trauma. And it’s more than painful… it’s torture.

It’s no coincidence that my StepDad was a very similar personality to every boss I was in love with. I was stuck in this unconscious pattern trying to get my Love and approval from men of authority and power. Until I was able to break this pattern… and give my own Love and approval to myself.

Learning how to feel my feelings, and how to fall apart, was what shifted everything for me.

Learning how to feel, and to fall apart, was the key that showed me the Love and attention and recognition that I was craving for.

Only in truly falling apart and feeling this pain, this torture, this isolation… could I clearly feel and awaken to the deep connection I was needing. But it wasn’t connection and love from another… it was love and connection from myself.

Learning how to give ourselves what we need is revolutionary. It’s life-changing. It’s self-healing. And it gives us the power that we often feel was taken from us in our childhood.

I was stuck in this unconscious rut of trying to get love from emotionally unavailable, closed down men… until I was able to see that the love and emotional connection I was really craving was from myself.

If you’re new to this self-healing journey, you might be thinking, that’s ridiculous. I don’t want love from myself, I want it from a partner, from my family, from the world. And I can relate. I felt the same way for so long.

But the only person’s Love that is going to heal you and make you whole so that you CAN and are able to receive it from a partner… is YOU.

If you are stuck in an unrequited love pattern, either as serially as I was, or perhaps less desperately, I encourage you to let yourself feel more throughout the day, and to let yourself fall apart.

Each and every day, the Universe is giving us challenging moments that are reflecting to us what we need more of.

Give yourself permission to feel, and let yourself ask this question, as often as you can: What do I need?

When you’re feeling betrayed, and let down by someone: let yourself feel. And then let yourself ask yourself: What do I need?

When you’re feeling empty and resentful and overworked: let yourself feel. And ask yourself: What do I need?

It takes time, patience and loving support to build up the muscles of Self-Love and Self-Compassion so that we can truly give ourselves what we need.

But just try and stop others from giving you what you need, once you have learned to get it from inside yourself. It’s the most amazing magic trick I’ve ever learned.

My husband and I are leading a 2-hour class next week: Learning How to Fall in Love. We’ll be sharing how to ‘let yourself feel, and give yourself what you need’… so that you can clear whatever’s holding you back from love: from whatever Love it is you’re called to.

RSVP at allowinglove.org/events.

We hope to see you there.

Zoë and Eric